What Did We Do Today? A Calm Bedtime Routine for the Dark Months
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It's half past five in October, and we're out for our evening walk. Suddenly my son stops. The streetlights are coming on – first all along one side of the street, then the other. He watches until the last one is lit.
After a Nordic summer, the dark returns quickly. For adults it mostly means headlights and shorter afternoons. For a small child it's a whole new world: the moon is visible again, there are stars, and the evening sky is full of things the summer hid.
What the dark brings back
This autumn my son has:
- seen the moon and the first stars on our evening walks
- wondered how the streetlights know when to switch on – and why one side of the street lights up before the other
- spotted an aeroplane's blinking lights moving across the night sky
- decided he wants to travel in a rocket – and take his mum along
- changed his toy cement mixer over to winter tyres
That last one says a lot. Small children make sense of the world by playing it. Nobody taught him about tyre changes. He saw what the adults did and took it into his own hands. The dark season gives children plenty of material like this, if we give them a moment to notice it.
The question we ask in bed
Every evening, when the lights are low and the book is finished, I ask: What did we do today?
Most evenings the answer is short and much the same: "We went outside. We kicked the ball." Sometimes it's one word: "aeroplane". Sometimes it's nothing at all, and that's fine too. The same answer night after night isn't a failure. It tells you what mattered most that day.
The question does three things. It slows the evening down. It puts the day in order: first this, then that, and now we sleep. And it gives the child a few minutes of an adult's undivided attention before the separation that sleep always is.
Why a routine matters – the Montessori view
Maria Montessori described a sensitive period for order. It begins in infancy, is at its strongest from around 18 months to two and a half years, and fades by about the age of five. Through order in their surroundings and in the rhythm of the day, the child builds an inner order of their own (Montessori, The Secret of Childhood and The Absorbent Mind).
A routine isn't a restriction. When a child knows what comes next, they can do more of it themselves: brush their teeth, pick the book, climb into bed. The adult decides when it's bedtime. Inside that frame, the child gets to be independent. We've written more about this in 10 Montessori principles for raising independent children and about order at home in why children don't tidy up their toys.
The dark season also helps in a very practical way. Bright light late in the evening, screens included, can delay the body's natural sleep hormone, melatonin. Dim the lights about an hour before bed and let the darkness outside do the rest.
A simple bedtime routine by age
The order matters more than the details. Ours goes like this:
- Dim the lights.
- Bath or wash, teeth, pyjamas.
- A moment at the window: what can we see tonight?
- A book the child picks.
- What did we do today?
- Lights out.
We let the child choose the book. A low book display with the covers facing out makes this easy: small children usually find a book by its cover, not its spine. Our Montessori book display with storage shelf is made in Europe from FSC-certified birch plywood. Book covers face out on the stepped tiers at the top, and the open shelves below hold toys within a child's reach. If the same book comes out every evening, that's fine too – repetition is part of the routine.
| Age | "What did we do today?" | The dark as part of the routine |
|---|---|---|
| 1–2 years | You tell the day in three short sentences. The child points, nods or repeats a word. | Look out of the window together and say good night to the moon or the streetlight. |
| 2–4 years | Offer choices: "Did we go to the park or to the shop?" The child adds one thing of their own. | Let the child spot it: is the moon out tonight? Any lights moving in the sky? |
| 4–6 years | The child tells the day. Add: what was the best part, what was hard, what are you looking forward to tomorrow? | Talk about why it gets dark: the Earth turns, and in winter our side gets less sunlight. |
When the dark feels big
Wonder and fear sit close together. Many children go through a phase of being afraid of the dark in their preschool years. You don't need to argue the fear away. Name it, keep to the familiar order of the evening, and if your child wants one, use a dim, warm night light. Playing with a torch in a dark room during the day can also make the dark feel more familiar.
A bed with room for story time
Our evening conversation works best when I can sit or lie down next to my son. If your family is moving from a family bed towards the child's own bed, a wide, low bed is a natural step in between: the child has a bed of their own, and you can stay close until they fall asleep.
- TULY low floor bed, 120–140 cm – one safety rail on the open side.
- LUCKY low floor bed with open entrance, 120–140 cm – the frame is about 5 cm above the floor, so the child walks straight into bed.
- LUCKY wide house bed with front roof, 120–140 cm – a roof to dream under and rails at the front and sides.
All three are made of solid spruce to order by Benlemi in the Czech Republic and are recommended from 3 years. The maximum load is 120 kg, so they are sized for a child with a parent beside them at story time, not for two adults to sleep in. Delivery time is 2–4 weeks. Shipping costs are shown at checkout, and larger orders are delivered without shipping costs.
To be honest: you don't need a new bed for this routine. The question works in any bed. A new bed is worth considering when the current one is too narrow to sit beside your child, or when you're planning the move out of the family bed. Read more in our floor bed guide or browse all children's beds.
Frequently asked questions
How long should a bedtime routine take?
Many families manage in 20–30 minutes. A short routine that goes the same way every night works better than a long one that changes.
What if my child doesn't answer "what did we do today"?
Tell the day yourself. The child still hears it in order, and the answers often come later, sometimes weeks later.
Is it okay to stay with my child until they fall asleep?
Yes. Many children fall asleep more calmly with an adult close by, especially during changes such as moving out of a family bed. A low, wide bed makes it easy to sit beside them.
How do we move from a family bed to the child's own bed?
Gradually. Keep the evening routine exactly the same and only change where it ends. Many families start with story time in the new bed and stay beside the child until they fall asleep.
Should the bedroom be completely dark?
Many children sleep well in the dark. If your child wants a night light, choose a dim, warm one and avoid bright or bluish light.
My child is afraid of the dark – what helps?
Fear of the dark is common in the preschool years. Acknowledge it, keep the routine familiar and try a dim night light. If fears disturb sleep for a long time, talk to your child health clinic.
From what age is a low, wide bed suitable?
The manufacturer recommends the TULY and LUCKY beds from 3 years. For younger children, see our floor bed guide.
Does the routine change when spring brings light evenings?
The order stays the same. Only the window moment changes, and in early summer blackout curtains help. The question stays: what did we do today?
Tonight the streetlights will come on again at half past five. In spring the dark will retreat, and we'll be looking at other things. For now, it gives us the calmest moment of the day.